Captain Jack Meet Captain Jack
by flyawaymydarlings
Summary: When Captain Jack Harkness (Doctor Who/Torchwood) is thrown into the middle of the ocean due to a vortex manipulator malfunction, who else does he meet but the swashbuckling Captain Jack Sparrow! (Pirates of the Caribbean) This has no set chapter update days, just whenever I'm bored or think of something cute. Enjoy :)
1. Meet Harkness

_Harkness_

_Damn vortex manipulator, _Jack thought, swimming up. Drowning. Dying, over and over again forever, until he either made it to the surface or someone hauled his body out of the water. Swimming seemed like the better option. But, it would mean losing the coat. It was too heavy, weighing him down, making it harder to swim… Too hard. Jack shrugged it off, catching it before it floated too far, and brought it to his lips. They'd had some good times, Jack and his coat. Reluctantly, Jack let it go, watching it with dismay as it sank, then continued to swim. He was finally able to see some light, and quickened his pace, breaking the surface, gasping. He shook some water from his hair, and squinted, looking around. He was surrounded by water, no land insight. This was a bad sign. He slowly swam in a circle. _Nothing, nothing, nothing… Ship._ He let out a sigh of relief, before he heard a shot on board, and noticed the sails. _Pirate ship. Not so great. _He looked around again, desperately, but it was no use. Pirate ship, or nothing. He sighed, and started swimming.


	2. Meet Sparrow

_Sparrow_

"Yo…ho…yo ho I bloody hate this song." Jack gurgled through another swig. They'd made no progress for… a long time, at least. There's ocean everywhere. It just goes on and on… Why would anyone want to be on the sea for all their lives? He looked around. Ah, _ship._ Ship is nice. Pretty ship, Pearly. Pearl's a pretty name, for a pretty ship. Jack loved his ship… His ship, his hat, rum, women… "I'm lonely." Jack muttered, deciding being cooped up in his quarters for… however long was quite enough. He stumbled up the stairs, feeling extra uncoordinated, before straightening, somewhat, and putting on his usual swagger as he made it on deck. No one was about. There was someone in the bird's nest, who looked to be asleep.

Jack cocked an eyebrow, and then his gun, shooting into the air next to the bird's nest. Joshamee Gibbs woke up with a start. "Aye?" He called down.

"Gibbs… _what_ are _you_ doing in the… bird's nest?" His speech was slow and slurred, tired of this.

"I lost in poker." He admitted sheepishly.

Jack muttered an insult, unamused. "Do your job!" He called up, and headed back from whence he came.

"There's nothing 'ere for… Oh, hold on." Gibbs paused, squinting. "I think… There's a man in the water, Cap'n!"

Jack turned slowly. "What?"


	3. Getting on Board

_Harkness_

Jack gave a sigh of relief when he saw a head pop over the side of the boat. "Mind casting me a line?" He called, wondering if pirates really said that.

"No, go away!" The dreadlocked man called down, shooing him with his hand.

Jack stared up at the man, and looked back doubtfully. "Where?"

"Where ever you came from." The man called stubbornly. Everything he said was slurred. Jack realized he was going to have a lot of explaining to do. He glanced at his fried VM. Going somewhere, not an option.

"Please?" He tried.

"No." The man disappeared.

Jack sighed. At least the man hadn't shot him yet. That might cause him to drown, which would be repetitive and no fun.

The pirate looked over the edge again. "Do you have anything of value? Gold? Women? Rum?"

"No?" The pirate disappeared again.

"Oh, come on!" Jack cried desperately, then thought. "I'm special."

There was a pause, and the man returned. "What do ya mean?"

"Let me up and I'll show you." That caused the pirate to frown, and disappear once more, then a rope was chucked over the edge. Jack smirked and climbed up. "Thanks." He mumbled once on board, he dropped, panting for a bit, before standing, shaking himself off, and smiling. "Hi, Captain Jack Harkness."


	4. Two Jacks Too Many

_Sparrow_

Jack didn't like that at all. "No you're not." He decided.

The other Captain Jack paused slightly, seeming more conflicted by that than he should be. "Yeah, I am." The wrong Captain Jack said slowly.

"No, no, you see _I'm _already Captain Jack Sparrow. There can't be two Captain Jacks." He gave a slight nod for emphasis.

"Then just call me Jack."

"Already two Jacks." He sneered and looked around for the beast, but it was nowhere in sight.

"Right, than how about just Captain?" The right Captain Jack sneered again. He'd been sneering a lot today. His sneer didn't look much like a sneer though. More of… A half-opened gape… What?

"Yer fixin' to get shot." He murmurs. "Yer dressed odd. And yer voice is all… uh." He mumbled the last bit, not knowing what he meant. Gibbs raised a brow at him, having come down from the birds nest, and standing a bit away from the Captain Jacks.

"That's all for another time." The wrong Jack gave a charming half-smile.

Captain Jack Sparrow stood, arms out a bit, eyeing up the wrong Captain Jack. "Well," he said, clasping his hands together. "Yer John now. So John, tell me, what is so special about ye, hm?"

The other Jack- _John_ took a breath, then took his shirt off. "Oi!" Jack warned. "We got mates like that down below, but we don't-" He glanced a Gibbs, who protested, "_I _prefer the ones with…" He cupped his hands, as if carrying two coconuts and put them in front of his chest, while making a deep throaty grunt. "Savvy?"

"Duly noted." John winked. "But- that's not it. I want you to shoot me." He said earnestly. Jack and Gibbs shared a look, then both returned their gazes to the strange man. "Ye went to all that trouble to get out of the water, and now ye want me to shoot ya?" Jack repeated. John nodded. "Shoot me, through the heart." Jack looked at Gibbs again, who shrugged, confused, then back to the man, and pulled out his gun. "Yer funeral." He agreed, shooting John through the heart.

John gasped and stumbled back. He fell to the deck, gasping for a bit, then falling silent. Jack and Gibbs moved over him, Gibbs nodding. "Dead alright." Captain Jack removed his hat. "I sup'ose I'd say a few words, at least. 'Ere lies John. A bit mad bloke." He put his hat back on, and turned. "Throw him over- _Arh!_" The blasted monkey had dropped on top of his head, screeching, and he smacked it off. It screeched once more and ran to the late Jack's body, inspecting the wound. Living Jack shot at it, missing. "Damn." He hated hurting the Pearl. Right as he muttered that, the dead Jack gasped loudly and shot straight up, causing both Jack's to screech, and the monkey Jack run away from him and climb to a higher vantage point. John breathed deeply for a bit, then looked around, seeming to gather where he was. He looked a Jack with a smug grin, causing the Captain -the _right _Captain to frown.

"That ain't special. The monkey can do that, bloody beast." He shot at it again, this time hitting the mark, causing Jack to fall from the rope it was climbing. There was a pause as it fell behind some barrels, before it popped back up again moments later, chittering angrily. Captain Jack Sparrow gave John an I-told-you-so look, watching as his smug face fell. "Welcome to the Pearl. Put your shirt back on."


	5. Unwanted Outcomes

_Harkness_

Well… That was… _unexpected. _Definitely didn't go as planned, Jack's- Sparrow's response. And the monkey… Yeah. Jack, this Jack, _him _Jack, wasn't quite sure what to make of the pirate's ease of accepting the undead. He quickly put his shirt back on as the pirates' watched him. When he finished the last button, Sparrow started his slur again.

"I suppose we have no reason to keep you about." He declared. "Gibbs!"

"Aye, Cap'n?"

"Put him in the cell."

"Aye, Cap'n."

"What? No!" Jack protested, fighing Gibbs off with ease.

"Listen, I'm just doin' me job." Gibbs defended.

Jack ignored him. "I have a thing about being chained up. I'm _very _particular about the circumstances. And they, in most cases, involve a bed."

The pirates shared a glance, the one with the shared name's lip curled up slightly. "Well…" Gibbs said thoughtfully. "There's always one spot open…"

* * *

And that is how minutes later Jack ended up with an apron on, making a stew full of undesirable and rotting food in the hot little dump of a kitchen.


	6. Soup's Up

_Sparrow_

Captain Jack Sparrow had gathered the crew in the galley as John prepared them… Something they would put in their mouths, at least. He had informed the crew of John's mysterious comeabouts, and successfully didn't shoot Gibbs after he informed Jack "comeabouts" wasn't a word. He left out the part about him claiming to be a Captain Jack… A Captain of _what _exactly he planned to find out during feeding time.

Finally the mystery man appeared from the pot-hole of the kitchen, carrying a large cauldron filled with... something that was more than likely edible. Probably. "Eat up me hardy's yo ho!" He rumbled, flicking a wrist along as John set the pot down. He looked around proudly as all his crew mates properly glared at John. After they'd all been served their proper portion of mush, Jack decided it was time.

"Off you are then."

"What?"

"Your background… It's time you lose your mystery. Go on." He kept an eye on the man as he took a drink.

There was a pause, before John nodded, going into great detail of how he was born in the future, was a guy with a bad past, a time agent, a companion, how he became immortal, which the men -and woman- seemed to be most intrigued by, his time at Torched wood, how he stole the broken chunk of metal on his wrist, a VM, he called it, whatever that meant. He stole it from some unit, and somehow managed to hit the wrong coordinates, or overdrive, or it just messed up, the man wasn't sure. Once his tales were through, the crew were absolutely in awe of the looney. Jack leaned back slightly, sizing John up before shooting him straight through the head.


	7. New and Interesting

_Harkness_

Jack shot up with a gasp. Shot up, after being shot down. Literally shot down, not shot down by someone at a bar… Jack's thoughts were always scrambled after dying, which seems reasonable enough. He felt blood drying on his face, and saw some had dripped on his shirt, which he wasn't too happy about. He looked up at Sparrow, to find the rest of the crew staring at him intently.

"What the _hell _was that for?"

The other Jack paused. "You were talking so much, I felt it needed to be done."

"I was done talking!"

"Oh, see, I got you to stop talking." The pirate stood up, grabbed a bottle, and sauntered out of the room. There was a moment, before he shouted back, "_Gibbs!"_

"Aye Cap'n." Gibbs sighed and stood up. The man obviously wasn't obeying the man like this from fear. Possibly debt, or honest friendship, not the Jack Sparrow seemed the one to have friends. Joshamee nodded at Jack in –appreciation, maybe?- as he left the dining quarters. After a short pause to make sure the Captain was out of ear shot, the crew erupted in applause.

"Brilliant stories!" "Did you really do that?" "I like the way you die." "Could I kill you sometime, if it's not too much trouble?" Jack spoke to all of them, obliging to most the requests, rather liking the unexpected attention. He was something new and interesting, and new and interesting was something the crew hadn't had in a long time.

And Jack Harkness had not one problem being that focus, even if it- _especially _if it caused annoyance to the other Jack… The not-monkey Jack. Now, to find out which of these mates were the ones who would wouldn't mind him taking his shirt off.


	8. If You Can't Kill Him, Use Him

_Sparrow_

"_I don't like him!_" Jack roared once on the deck, out of earshot of the crew, save Gibbs. "Where's the monkey- There it is!" He took a swig, then shot at Monkey Jack twice with his less dominant hand, failing miserably to hit his mark, instead shattering a window and a mast. He grumbled and continued on his way, having no particular destination.

"Ye shouldn't waste all yer bullets."

_That_ _was_ _weird._ Jack hadn't had his conscience speak to him in a long time. No, wait, it wasn't his conscience, it was Gibbs. "Gibbs!" Jack swung around to face him. "Wher've ya been?"

"Behind you, Jack."

"Right." Jack paused, swaying a bit involuntarily. "I don't like him. And I can't kill him. This is all very frustrating."

"The crew seems to like 'im." Jack just raised a lip.

"We must formulate a way to get rid of him."

"We still need to figure out how we're going to get out of this spot, Jack. We've been in this exact spot for a fortnight, and can't figure out what's keeping us 'ere. Maybe the lad will prove useful, goin' down and seein' if 'e find anything that would explain it."

Jack took in his words with a pout. "Fine. But when announce this to the crew, I will be taking all the credit for it, just letting you know."


	9. What About the Wind?

_Harkness_

"No, thank _you. _Yeah, goodbye. I'll be seeing you about." Well, that felt… _unsanitary_.

Jack was walking back to the kitchen, seeing as he didn't have a room of his own to hang around in. Unfortunately, when he made his way back on deck, Captain Jack was swaggering about, seeming to be talking to himself, a compass in hand. Jack called out to him, and he swung around, quickly closing and pocketing the compass.

"Awe, the man of the hour." The pirate sauntered over, and threw his arm around Jack's shoulders. He smelled strongly of liquor.

"I wasn't aware you thought of me so highly," Jack flashed a smile up at Pirate Jack, wanting to be released from his grasp.

Pirate Jack mumbled something under his breath, before smiling, a poor attempt at a smile, that was fake without a doubt. "I have… _a task_… for you, m'boy." He breathed.

"What sort of task?" Based on his lack of saying what it was and Captain Sparrow's general opinion of him, Jack could assume whatever he was going to have to do he wouldn't like it.

"Well…" Captain Sparrow -which Jack decided he would call this other Jack, -_he really needs to stop meeting people with his name-_ Captain Sparrow, to avoid confusion- took another gulp from his bottle of rum.

"Well?" Jack forced the edge of irritation out of his voice.

"Well… We have a little…_problem, _ya see." Captain Sparrow paused, and dramatically took his arm off Jack during his next words, "We can't move."

"What?"

"We're stuck, in this exact spot. 'Ave been for the last…" He mumbled something unintelligible. "And we don't know why."

"Well, could it be because it's not windy?"

Sparrow looked at him like he was an idiot. "No, we 'aven't moved at all, ya see. Not even a little bit. Even with no wind, we'd been pushed along a bit."

Jack looked around. There was nothing he could see that would help them determine if they'd only been moving a little bit. Captain Sparrow must have guessed what he was thinking, because he hit Jack upside the head. "Ow!"

"I'll be tellin' the crew tomorrow. Don't say anything." With that, the pirate swaggered back from whence he came, and Jack returned to the kitchen, planning on using the table for a bed.


	10. Gather the Crew

_Sparrow_

Jack woke up surprisingly early the next day, when the sun was coming up… Nope, no, it was going down. Close enough. He sighed and pulled his head up off the table. Hangovers hurt. This is why he rarely ever tried to sober himself.

After much groaning, he made his way up to the main deck. It was empty, as usual. His nose twitched and he heaved another sigh, preparing to give himself a headache. "**_GIBBS!_**" He waited, for a bit, before repeating these actions several times over, until he got results.

"_What?_" Gibbs grumbled, once he reached Jack, who was mid-shout.

"Oh, good, you're here." He leaned back unevenly. "Gather the crew."

"Why couldn't you do that yourself?"

"It's your job."

"It is not!"

"It is now. Go." He demanded, Gibbs grumbled, but finally did as told. One gone, Jack went up to where the wheel was, waiting. Slowly, the crew gathered around him. He saw Gibbs huffing back and forth, place to place, doing his biding. A slow smile spread across the Captain's face. Finally, when everyone was gathered, Jack started his speech.


	11. Totally Not Filler

_Harkness_

Jack had totally already gotten the word around about other Jack's plan, and had been treated as a hero. So, he listened to the Captain's plan to fix the ship's plight with slight contempt, along with most the other crew members. Their lack of surprise or excitement, or whatever Captain Jack had expected seemed to be off-putting to the pirate. He eyed the unimpressed crew with a looked of disapproval and disappointment.

"Right. Well." The pirate seemed to be wishing to get out of the spotlight. "He'll be doing that first thing tomorrow." With that, the pirate returned from whence he came.

After he was out of view, the crew dispersed, and Jack returned to his kitchen/room. He really needed to figure out how to get back to Cardiff. His thoughts were cut short by a knock on the door. He opened it, to find a young, man he'd learned was called Will. Jack had taken quite a liking to this Will, who had dark, soulful eyes, and a longer, but tamed hair Jack could quite easily find enticing. Unfortunately, he seemed completely faithful to who Jack had originally thought the only woman on board, Elizabeth… Who Jack didn't find half bad herself.

_Will said something, Jack. _"Sorry?" He asked, finding he suddenly should try to sit down, in need to hide his lower regions.


	12. Drunk Jack's Question of All Questions

_Sparrow_

Captain Jack Sparrow had spent his evening contemplating a deep thought, being an intellectual introvert, and other easy but impressive sounding words he knew. It was a question. Not a question.

_The question. _

The question no one else ever could comprehend to think up.

Tomorrow looked hopeful. He'd either figure out why the ship wasn't moving, have Jack –possibly- drown, or in the least take a long, exhausting, useless swim. All outcomes pleased him.  
But those we're the profound thoughts he was having. No, those were simply pleasures, to distract from the complexity his mind was trying to envelope himself in… Or so he told himself. He wasn't necessarily a genius.

He wasn't necessarily sober, for that matter.

That was all relative. He was quite proud of the opaque thoughts he was having.

_Where did he learn the word opaque_? There would be no way he could define it if asked.

Jack didn't take too long troubling over knowing an unknown word though. He simply dubbed it to one of life's many great mysteries never to be thought of again.

He had been pondering the same question for… a definite amount of time. That's for sure. And he still hadn't come to a proper, reasonable, conclusive answer. It was much too philosophical… And oddly familiar.

Jack stayed perfectly (as)still(as he could get) for hours on end. Running the single most important question through his head, again and again, over and over, knowing full well neither he nor anyone else could ever properly answer it. Yet, it held the meaning to life within it, and had to be answered. And they who held answer to the unanswerable question… No, no, he'd confused himself again.

The question with such meaning could only be one thing.

_Why is a raven like a writing desk?_

And then he blacked out.


End file.
